instead of "kill two birds with one stone" we could say "feed two birds with one scone"

instead of "miraculously, the oil lasted for 8 days" we could say "miraculously, in only 8 days we were sustainably powered by fossil-free biofuels"

instead of "the beautiful planet we live on" we could say "the beautiful planet we live as"

instead of "hermit crab" we could say "introvertebrate"

instead of "crushing it" we could say "inflating it"

instead of "made me come" we could say "helped me come"

instead of "wildfires" we could say "climate fires"

instead of "nieces and nephews" we could say "niblings"

instead of "throw up" we could say "make well"

instead of "cauliflower" we could say "ghost broccoli"

instead of "differently-abled people" we could say "people of determination"

instead of "stimulus checks" we could say "survival checks"

instead of "culture fit" we could say "culture add"

instead of "parents can't work" we could say "parents can't earn money"

instead of "master bedroom" we could say "suite freedom"

instead of "shelter in place" we could say "artist-in-residence"

instead of "i can't come to the phone right now" we could say "the phone can't come to me right now"

instead of "follow me on instagram" we could say "welcome me on instagram"